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Should trust him 
  elfmagics
 
04:18pm 11/02/2008
 
mood: curious
Wow, sometimes just what you need is to find other people like you. It is so nice to know that I am not the only one out there who is trying not to be so possesive and jealous of her boyfriend and that it is hard for y'all too. I may not post much here but reading you guy's posts will help me a lot.

Just to introduce myself, I am 25 and engaged to the most wonderful man ever. He has never given me a reason not to trust him and yet still I have trouble dealing with him having female friends and being on the internet too much.  He says he loves me and would never leave me and would never cheat on me but I have major trust issues and still struggle with it.  We are getting married in July and I don't want to wreck our marriage by not trusting and I don't want to keep feeling this way. I can know in my head that it is okay for him to have female friends but I can't help but hear that little 'what if' voice. If anyone has suggestions for how to overcome this I would greatly appriciate it.
 
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Trust 
  knightquest
 
08:34pm 29/01/2006
 
mood: apathetic
Heh, I just saw this community, for a specific reason, someday I'll explain how and why, but it was because I have trust issues. I have trust issues specifically for relationship purposes, otherwise I am very trustworthy on others. I've been fooled too many times before and I'm in a relationship now in which I love the girl so much that I hope to marry her one day, and yet I still have problems trusting her. Something in me is not right, and I know this, so hopefully with time, I will be able to trust her fully, even though we have been dating for over a year now, my trust and paranoia still take over, and destroy that. So I am here now. Let's see what tommorow brings me.
 
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wacthingout 
  exon
 
05:12pm 09/03/2005
 
mood: confused

Soooooo i havn't podted in a long time  but i need to post now so that hole bj thing ended up blowing up   but i cut his shit out so fast  only to have to deal with soem stupid ass shit  with soem chick named lura  who cares cause now we are going on 3 years of being to gether i put together of soem of the shit he has doen online ill post the site  at the end of my comments . so just recently he got his cell phone and is calling these chicks and hotlines we had a big fight over it  and im waiting for this months bill to coem in if the same shit happens im gone so im waiting for the 15th  come on men be smart lol ill post my findings  and what happens with that after the 15th of this month heres the site please comment let me know soemthing

 NOT WORK SAFE GOT NUDDITY the dude is my dude the chick is laura

www.geocities.com/dyegrrlco

 
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  cute_but_catty
 
09:42pm 03/01/2005
  I joined up and am posting here under another name because I have a very nosey friend. She reads my journal (which is ok,) the journals of all my friends (still kind of ok, I guess,) the journals of my boyfriend's friends (getting kind of weird now,) and lastly, the journal of someone I have a protective order against. She always has to know what's going on with everyone, even people she has never been friends with. She has taken this nosiness even to the point where she was talking, for awhile, with the person I have the order against. It made me very uncomfortable, and I expressed that, but it made no difference. She says now that they don't talk anymore, but it makes me feel unsafe. I don't understand why she needs to be so involved with people she doesn't even know? It's as if she is addicted to the drama, a drama I would like to leave behind. I feel like as long as someone in my 'circle' is hanging on that I can't break away. I worry as well that the person I have the restraining order against will use my nosey friend to try to get closer to me again, and I feel that my friend might allow this just to be a part of it all.

There are other concerns as well, with this particular friend. Although I enjoy spending time with her, I often feel that she is not being honest with me, or feels she needs to compete with me in one way or another. I have tried to be as non-threatening and supportive as possible, since I know this person is fairly insecure, and I am not. I don't like being made to feel that I am in constant competition with someone who is supposed to be a friend. I don't like having to wonder if I can trust her. Then again, because of the previous relationship that led to getting the restraining order, I have serious trust issues. If someone tells me a harmless 'white lie', I then feel that I can no longer trust them at all, which may be unfair of me.

Am I expecting too much? My boyfriend is also worried that her having contact or desiring contact with this individual may cause problems for us later on.
 
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reflections 
  rivetkitten
 
08:51pm 02/11/2003
 
mood: thoughtful
(crossposted to my journal, rivetkitten)

perhaps it is the influence of the music and incense, but i got distracted from writing my paper for english to think.

jealousy is an interesting force. the first definition of the word jealous used in the office edition of the american heritage dictionary fourth edition is "fearful of losing affection or positon." i believe that most people would use the second definition, envious, more. in fact, i would consider myself one of those people. given the first definition, however, shouldn't jealousy be considered a natural companion to a loving relationship? how many people can truly, honestly say that they are not afraid that at some point, a lover or friend will find someone else more attractive, more fun to be around, more intelligent in conversation, more flattering in wit, someone generally better?

perhaps i am a jealous person by nature. i love feeling loved. i can't help being possessive of the affection i receive. perhaps that's really what my problem is with maddy, or at least a factor in it. she has so many people she calls friends, so many groups of people that she spreads her time amongst, that the attention her old standbys recieve becomes less and less. it's the feeling of abandonment, only more gradual.

i'm jealous of the attention i receive from johnny. one of the reasons it's been hard with him at college is that i don't get to talk to him as much. i'm selfish, and part of me wants the same ammount of attention that i was getting from him before he left for kutztown. the rest of me understands that he is busy, that he has other friends, that he has to work hard to keep his grades up and his head straight. but sometimes that little part of me isn't so little, and we wind up getting into arguements about it. but when i am with him, i'm happy. i have his undivided attention. i have his affection, and no threat of losing it. this makes me happy.

yes, i am a selfish person, no matter how much i try not to be. and i am a jealous person, a fearful person. but is that such a horrible thing to be?

i'm trying to learn to be a better person. i'm trying to overcome the jealousy that i almost always feel in some part of me. but fear is difficult to overcome. i will always need that constant reassurance that there is no monster under the bed, that the rollercoaster won't jump the track, that my friends are true, and that johnny will always love me for who i am.

in five days, i will be 18. by that time i hope to lose some inhibitions, to not be so jealous, to let myself go to some extent. it will be a difficult task, i know. but i am willing to make the effort.

let the festivities begin.
 
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  exon
 
02:22pm 20/10/2003
 
mood: angry
Okay here is my sob story and i am getting angry by the day I have a boyfriend been together with him for1 year and 4 months wow i just back tracted that is long well anyways he talks to girls online he always has thats how he met me well anyways we live in the same town he is my " FIRST " but the other day i was chatting at his house on his computer i logged into my Yahoo and I was trying to talk to one of my cusins online and i got a message for some person called gothic carebear or soemthign liek that i don't remeber the name but this person started telling me shit like your man doesn't love you he doesn't want to be with you leave him alone around and so on then i was like i don't belive you . i said you don't even have proof then she said really and sent me this The email



From: bj garcia
To: synned_76@msn.com
Subject: hi
Date: Wed, 17 Sep 2003 16:02:02 -0700 (PDT)

hey jesse its me BJ, just saying hi. i'm here in Edingburg, "near mexico" visiting my aunt. here till like monday. ive tried to call but youre not there. oh well. just thought id drop you a line to say hi. kinda miss chattin with you, but oh well. i'm going to call you monday night. hope you will be there to talk. if not thats ok. but id like to talk to you. well anyways hey have things been? i hope well, hope things are going shity for you and youre gf....lol jk i hope everything is good. but you know id like you and her to be over with already, i want you sooooo bad..hehe well any ways i'll give you a call monday. talk to you then..buh bye



~A Fan Of Local Bands~

www.DarkAngelBJ666.com

Well I asked Him What was going on and so on and he told me they are just friends i was like yeah whatever the only thing is he won't admit she said any of this i havn't showen him the email cause he told me to drop it and we are on hostal waters i love him i know he hasn't done anything with her ive met her she's met me and so on soem one please give me some advise

Luv Exon
 
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shut it. 
  old_red_sneaker
 
12:30pm 03/07/2003
 
mood: aggravated
man. how is it that I always find myself around liars? They always lie, and its ALWAYS about me. oh maya did this with me, maya did that to me. Enough. I didnt do shit. And Im pissed. I just found out that my bestfriend's boyfriend is mad at her, and I was the last one to talk to him. So emotions sturr, and guess what? My friend who was there tells her that I kicked them out of the house and bitched them out. non-sense. I left them as they smoked their cancer stix, and went to see if my best friend was OK!. so no more lies. Im tired of it. I shall have no more friends. wait...crap!.
 
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Feeling Rather Depressed 
  silklily
 
03:11am 02/07/2003
  The senario:

My boyfriend of over 6 months went away on an exchange trip and we both took it really hard..or at least I thought so. I got to talk to him online after a week or so, and he really doesn't seem to be taking it hard. All he could talk about is how they put him in a class made up of almost exclusively of attractive girls, and how he's so popular there, and how they're all over him and the like. Then he told me he missed me and he loved me. I got pretty upset, because I'm a jealous person, and wrote him back in anger saying that I didn't care if he wanted to screw around on me, but if he was going to, at least have the decency not to talk to me about it. He wrote back that he was 'just' joking and that he guesses it wasn't funny, and he was being stupid, please forgive him.

The problem:

To say the least I'm annoyed. I've told him in the past, and he knows that I am a jealous and possessive person. He also knows I've had a pretty difficult time of it with friends and relationships, and I've been hurt quite a bit. My friends think that I should just dump him, but he's been fine up till now, and I do love him, so I'm at a loss. I don't expect him to not look around, because we're both young and thats what people do, but to actually act on it, despite what I wrote, is not something I want. I'm trying to be a reasonable girlfriend, and to try and keep things calm, but its difficult.
 
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  rivetkitten
 
02:53pm 18/04/2003
 
mood: worried
scenario:

my boyfriend lives 2 1/2 hours away. he is going home this weekend for easter. before he leaves, however, he wants to spend a night with one of his friends- a female friend. he says she's only a friend, and it's the only place he can stay.

the problem:

i've been told before that this female friend has had an interest in my boyfriend. i've met her, hung out with her before, but i somehow can't think that she likes me, and i don't really trust her. he assures me that he would sleep on the couch, however, it's the fact that he'd want to spend the night with another girl in the first place that upsets me.

the question:

should i be upset? or should i just let it go?
 
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This doesn't help matters... 
  adudeabides
 
10:37am 15/02/2003
 
mood: indifferent
For whatever reason, I have trouble trusting the sincerity of my significant other. It's nothing against her, personally. I believe she wants what's best for our relationship, but sometimes she does things that really set me back in the trust department.

Yesterday...

I found an e-mail in her inbox that, in my mind, had an uncomfortable familiarity to it...that shouldn't have been there. There was nothing major to the e-mail...he was just answering an apparant 'how are you' question from her. I asked her about it. She said it was a guy in Chicago who she'd known for awhile and was trying to avoid.

How are you trying to avoid him if you asked him a question...one that would solicit a response? And, answering e-mails is not trying to avoid him...we've talked about this guy and you've always told me you were avoiding him.

Well, in her mind, answering an e-mail from him every few months is avoiding him, because the contact isn't any more frequent and she doesn't initiate. And, she says she does it because she has concerns about her safety if she ignores him. While I have concerns about her safety too, she insists that this is none of my business. None.

Regardless of what she thinks, her safety is my concern. But, the part that upset me was they lying - intentional or not - about contact with him. And, we've discussed this situation in-depth at least 3 times in our realtionship, so she's had ample opportunity to mention the e-mails...which are a different matter than him IM-ing once in awhile...especially when you solicit further e-mails (which is exactly what questions do). Yet, she's never mentioned them.

I believe it to be an innocent mistake/misunderstanding. I want to believe that. But, deep inside I'm still wrestling with that. I hope that gets straightened out sometime soon. I really do. :$
 
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  cheeselog
 
04:16pm 26/01/2003
 
mood: sad
you know how the people who you get close to and begin to trust, always tell you the whole "you're a wonderful person" bit? it seems that those people are the ones who screw you over the most. i guess i have a problem with trusting people who tell me that... ex's, parents, etc. it hurts to hear people say that...
 
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trust... 
  rivetkitten
 
03:27pm 26/01/2003
 
mood: anxious
well, i suppose i should say something here, since i am co-founder type person.

my big trust issue is... well, i don't trust people. that's rather broad, isn't it? let me narrow that down. i find it hard to trust even the closest of friends. even the ones who have given me no reason *not* to trust them. even my wonderful, amazing, loving, caring boyfriend... i just can't help thinking that some other girl will throw herself at him and he won't do anything about it... at least, nothing that i'll be happy about.
i know i should trust him. i know he'd never do anything to hurt me. but i keep getting these feelings about him when he's around other girls. when he's upset around me, he's always happy around them, messing around, having a good time. but when i come along, and try to talk to him, he gets upset, or i get upset, or something happens and we aren't as happy as we were. i can't help thinking that it's my fault, that i did it.. but that's a little off subject.
here's the most recent problem.
my school has a 3-day weekend this weekend. it's a boarding school. my boyfriend is from philly, which is about 2 1/2 hours from the school. this weekend, he went home and took one of our mutual (female) friends with him.
should i be upset? probably not. but i don't really know her. and i'm always paranoid about him and what he'll do. i'm scared out of my mind. i know i shouldn't be, but i am.
and i can't do anything about it... believe me, i've tried.
 
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  cheeselog
 
12:17pm 26/01/2003
  *joins*

understand the whole distrust of a lot of things.
 
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Purpose 
  adudeabides
 
08:45pm 25/01/2003
 
mood: lonely
trust - to place confidence in : rely on : complete assurance and certitude regarding the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something : reliance.

Trust is simply defined. However, for many it's not so easy to come by. That's where this community comes in.

Whether you have a general distrust of the human race or a specific relationship issue, this is the place to come for discussion, support, and finding ways to combat trust issues. Help others; help yourself.
 
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